the grossest holiday dessert EVER

i was watching the end of Semi-Homemade (AKA mostly-STALE) on Food Network, and Sandra was preparing a "swanky" xmas dinner (read: gaudy silver sequins table-scape with sparkles galore and stupid little plastic shit everywhere). first of all, she made a hot-mess of a cranberry glazed turkey. she plated it on what was literally a pound of rosemary and sage- it looked like she scooped the dang thing out of a grassy field and put it straight on the plate. then, she crowded the platter with entire pears all around the bird and then, as if that wasn't enough, she sprinkled cranberries all over the dang thing. this country-looking ordeal woulda been maybe even cute had it been on a rustic xmas table prepared by martha stewart or something, but it just did NOT go with the whole silver sparkle mess. ANYWAY, that is not the gross part.

so, she goes to make dessert- and, being Sandra Lee, she doesn't want to actually bake anything. so, she takes store-bought chocolate muffins- NOT cupcakes, muffins- and cuts the tops off (which everyone knows is the best part and pretty much the only reason to eat a muffin). then, she scoops out the center of the muffin and fills it with cherry-pie filling fresh from the can. THEN, she takes a big ol' piece of foil and wraps it around the entire bottom of the MUFFIN and creates this heinous foil-ledge around the whole thing- like a big crinkly garish foil rim. THEN, she takes frosting and pipes poofy white frosting stars onto the foil ledge, all around the cherry pie filling. just in case you didn't totally feel like puking by this point, she really pulls out the big guns. she takes a green FRUIT ROLL-UP- oh hell yes- and cuts a thin strip which she proceeds to tie into a bow. she then adheres this fruit roll-up bow to the disgusting frosting foil-rim of the cherry-goop-filled MUFFIN and dots the bow with yet another big glob of frosting. and then, for the grand finale, she takes a RED HOT and sticks it on top of the frosting glob. it was the grossest kindergarten hot-mess of a dessert i have ever seen. i seriously think i got that exact thing from one of my students last year.

it's iced-up to the maxxx here in k3- every single bit of nature is silver and sparkling and kind of looks like it's from a doctor seuss book. i'm kickin it with my sibs and enjoying some wicked good relaxation. i hope you're all toasty and warm and happy and healthy!!!

xoxoxo
BT